No More
by SarahhHarkness-Jones
Summary: Dean is abusive towards Cas, but always apologetic afterwards, and Cas believes he deserves what he gets, until one day Dean goes too far. Unfortunately Castiel loves Dean too much to give up what it is they had before. Warning: Domestic Violence mentioned


"I'm sorry," Cas apologised, as he began to pick up the pieces of the shattered plate that now lay on the kitchen floor, the apple pie that he had made especially for Dean now ruined.

"Every time, Cas!" Dean shouted, standing up from his seat at the kitchen table, "Every god damn time! Have you not learnt?!"

"Yes, I'm sorry." Castiel continued to look at the floor, watching his hands to make sure he didn't cut himself again like last time. This had been happening for the past two weeks now, and every night the fights seemed to get worse.

"Clearly, you haven't. Now clean up this mess, I'm going out." Dean spat at Castiel, as he grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair.

"No, no Dean please," Cas begged, "Stay."

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"I'm not, just please stay-"

Castiel felt the blow on his face before he knew what was happening, and before it could register in his mind what Dean had actually done to him, Dean was already on the floor with him, arms wrapping around his body, pulling him into his chest.

"I'm sorry baby," Dean cried, holding Castiel tightly in his arms, "I'm so sorry, I'll never do that again. I'm so, so sorry." Dean continued to apologise, kissing his head and holding him tighter.

Castiel sighed as he lay in bed, next to a sleeping, naked Dean. That was the first, but definitely not the last time Dean would hit him. The stupid thing was, Cas couldn't even remember what they were fighting about.

**_~s~_**

"You have another bruise," Gabriel commented, pointing to Cas's neck. Cas shifted uncomfortably in his seat, pulling at the collar of his shirt to try and hide it, "The neck this time? Interesting."

"Leave it, Gabe." Castiel glared, glancing at the clock on the wall of the dinner. He still had an hour before Dean was expecting him to be home.

It would take him twenty minutes to walk from the diner to the apartment, then five minutes between the apartment and their front door, so he would have to leave in thirty-five minutes. But then if he met someone he knew on the street, that would make him late, so he'd have to add ten minutes onto his time just in case, so twenty-five minutes left with Gabriel. Five minutes to pay for the drinks, get his coat, and say goodbye, so twenty minutes.

"So what happened, then? Did some guy look at you? Was the tv on a little too loud? Take a shower for too long?" Gabriel prompted, he'd heard every single excuse in the book by now, and not one of them did he believe to be a good enough reason for Dean to hit his best friend – but Cas .

"Seriously Gabriel, if you're going to be a dick all afternoon, then I'm going home." Cas was sick of this now, every time he met up with Gabe, he received a lecture. This wasn't what he wanted when he came out with Gabriel for a drink. What he wanted was time away from his life at home, a time where he could forget what happened behind closed doors, and a time where he could have a chat like normal friends do.

"Back to Dean, despite everything he does to you." Gabriel rolled his eyes, picking up his coke and taking a sip.

"Dean loves me."

"Yes, I'm sure he does. He loves you so much he paints you black and blue every night."

"You know it's not like that." Now Castiel was getting frustrated, because this was something they went over every time they spoke, and every time Cas went back home to Dean. Gabriel didn't understand – nobody understood. Dean didn't mean it. Dean loved him.

"Then do please enlighten me on just exactly how it is."

"He just gets angry sometimes, you know that Gabe."

"Everyone gets angry at times, Cas."

"Look, I have to go anyway, Dean's expected me home at three." Cas said, grabbing his coat from the back of the chair, and fishing out his wallet to pay the bill. Gabriel took a look at the clock on the wall, which read five past two, and rolled his eyes with a sigh.

"Cas, I don't feel comfortable letting you go back there alone."

"I won't be alone, Dean's home."

"If anything happens, if he touches you at all, I want you to call me immediately." This was something else they went through every time they met, or talked. Gabriel believing that he would be Cas's knight is shining armour, trying to save him from the big bad Dean. Cas didn't need saving. Cas was fine. They were fine. Nobody needed to interfere.

"Gabe…" Cas sighed.

"No, Cas I mean it. You always have a place with me and Sam, you know that."

"I don't think I'd feel comfortable being around Sam."

"Sam loves you Cas."

"Yes, but he is also Dean's brother. I wouldn't want- I just don't want to get you two in trouble."

"Dean wouldn't dare lay a finger on me, Cas. I mean it, if he's in even a slightly bad mood, call me and I will come and pick you up. Just please promise me that."

"Alright, I will." Cas sighed, standing up and placing ten dollars on the table for his half of the food they'd shared.

"You will what?"

"I promise I will call you if there is anything wrong."

"Good, and check-"

"In with you every hour to make sure I'm okay, I know. Now can I go now?" Castiel asked, pointing towards the door. Gabriel sighed, but allowed him to leave anyway, before sending a quick text to Sam to inform him about the new bruise that his brother had caused.

**_~s~_**

On the way home it rained, which was the first bad thing to happen to Cas – because Dean hated it when Cas walked into the apartment with wet shoes on. Then the route he usually took was blocked off due to a fatal car crash, and the diversion route would add at least another half an hour onto his journey, making him incredibly late.

When he finally did arrive home, he was thirty three minutes late, and he knew he would be in trouble with Dean. It was bad enough when he arrived home thirty seconds later than he had said he would, but over thirty minutes would mean that Dean would have been waiting for Cas, and Dean didn't like it when Cas kept him waiting.

Castiel's head was pounding when he woke up, and there were the sounds of other people in the apartment, people other than just Dean.

"I didn't mean it!" Dean shouted, "He just, he wasn't fighting back, he never fights back!"

Cas remained quiet, and still, lying on the carpeted floor of their living room. His neck was hurting badly, and he could taste blood in his mouth.

"Tell me what you did, Dean." Gabriel's voice was harsh, and demanding – like it always was when it came to Dean hurting Cas.

"I didn't mean it!" Dean shouted again, his voice sounding genuinely pained. Cas knew he regretted it, whatever it was he had done. He couldn't remember anything past entering the apartment over half an hour late. He never did remember the beatings Dean gave him, and he was thankful for that.

"Dean," Sam said calmly, "You need to calm down."

"I am calm!" Dean continued to shout, he just wanted to know Cas was okay. He wanted to tell Cas he loved him, and he didn't mean to do it. He wanted to take Cas to bed, and make love to him through the night, and then in the morning make him his favourite breakfast – blueberry pancakes with syrup and a milky coffee - and continue making love to him through the morning. He wanted things to be like they were before. He didn't want Gabriel or Sam involved. He just wanted his Cas.

"No, you're not. Now come sit down." Cas could hear two pairs of footsteps making their way over to the couch, "Gabe, check on Cas please."

**_~s~_**

"Cas is going to come stay with us for a few days, alright Dean?" Sam was talking to Dean as if he were a child, and in any other situation, Cas knew that Dean would hate it – but right now being spoken to like a child was what Dean needed. He was full of adrenaline, he wasn't thinking straight – jumping to conclusions. He was on the brink of crying and so close to punching in a wall. Castiel was surprised he was managing to even sit still.

"No," Dean sounded incredibly upset, and Cas was having a hard time not wrapping his arms around Dean, and dragging him into their bedroom, shutting off what had just happened, "No please don't."

"Dean, I think you need some time away from each other, just for a little while."

"Please don't leave me." Dean begged, Cas could see the tears welling up in his eyes, he could see the pain etched on his face – but now dull pain in his throat, from where he assumed Dean had gripped him tightly, was enough to stop him from reaching over to him.

"He's not leaving you Dean, we're just a few blocks away."

"Cas, baby please, I didn't mean it." Every single time this happened, the same thing would be said. Cas was not surprised by Dean's words at all, "I love you, you know that. You know I wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt you."

Castiel didn't say anything, he just stood up from the couch, and made his way to the door. "I'll see you in a few days, Dean."

**_~s~_**

"Are you going to go back to him, Cas?" Sam asked, handing Gabriel a mug of hot chocolate, topped with whipped cream and marshmallows – Cas had declined the offer of one.

"Eventually, yes. I just need some time to think, to clear my head." Cas sighed, tying and untying a knot in the lose fabric strands of his jumper.

"Why don't you ever fight back?" Sam asked, taking a seat next to Gabriel on the sofa, his own mug of hot chocolate in his hand. Sam had grown up with Dean, he knew what Dean was like when he got mad, he knew that if you fought back, Dean eventually backed down, like he did when he was a teenager.

"I did, once. But it just made him hit harder," Cas stopped messing with his jumper to look up at Sam, his right eye slightly fuzzy due to swelling, "It was the worst mistake I ever made."

"You shouldn't have to-"

"Don't," Cas sighed, cutting Sam off, "Just don't. I don't want to talk about this anymore, I just want to go to bed."

"The guest bedroom is already set up for you, it always is just in case." Gabriel told him with a sad smile, placing his mug down onto the coffee table.

"Thank you," Cas said, as he stood up from the sofa, "And I'm sorry you had to see that tonight." He looked at the floor as he left the living room, and made his way up the stairs to the guest bedroom – not wanting to see the pity in Sam and Gabriel's eyes.

**_~s~_**

When Cas entered the spare bedroom, and locked the door so as not to be disturbed, his phone began ringing in his coat pocket, Dean's name and photo coming up on the screen.

"Cas!" Dean's voice rung through the phone, "I am so glad you picked up, baby." The relief in his voice was evident, and Cas could tell he was smiling nervously on the other end. "I am so sor-"

"Don't say it." Cas said, as he sat down on the bed and began to kick off his shoes, "Please don't say it."

"I have no right for you to take me back after what I did, but I really do mean it when I say that I am sor-"

"Dean, I said don't say it. I don't want to hear that you're sorry, you say it all the time." This was the first time Cas had ever stood up to Dean, had ever spoken back to him, and defended himself against his partner, "You say you're sorry, and think everything is fine, but it's not. Saying sorry just reminds me that you're going to do it again.

"I know, look Cas-"

"No, don't you 'look Cas' me, Dean. I am sick and tired of your bullshit. I had to quit my fucking job because of you, I stopped talking to my family for you, I stopped going out for you, I have no other friends, other than the ones that you have approved, and it's all so you wouldn't get mad, and yet here we are again. No matter how hard I try to please you, nothing is good enough." It scared Castiel slightly, just how much he was saying. All the pent up anger towards Dean, the things that he had given up for Dean when Dean did nothing for him in return, it was all coming out, and he was worried about just how far he would go with this.

"Please Cas-"

"I don't want to see you anymore, Dean."

"No, no Cas please, don't I can change, I love you-"

"If you loved me so much, you wouldn't hit me."

"I just get angry, I don't mean it-"

"I stopped believing that a long time ago, Dean."

"I'm nothing without you Cas!"

"I love you Dean, I honestly do, but I cannot keep doing this." Before Dean could reply, Castiel hung up the phone, switched it off, and threw it into on the nightstand. That was it, he had done it. After a year of living with Dean as an abuser, it was over. Just like that, a two and a half year relationship was gone in one phone call.

Castiel didn't know whether to cry from relief that it was over, or cry from sadness because he knew this wasn't what was best for him and Dean.

**_~s~_**

Castiel lasted a week before he contacted Dean again. Sam and Gabriel were both at work, and Cas had been left alone in the apartment for the first time in the week that he had stayed there – Sam and Gabe had managed to formulate a plan between the two of them that Cas wouldn't be left alone, but fortunately for him, there was an emergency and Gabriel had to leave.

"I'm glad you called." Dean smiled, as he stood beside the booth Cas was sat in.

"Sit down, Dean." Cas said, eyeing the waitress who was coming over with their drinks. They were in the diner not that far from Gabriel and Sam's house, a public place was a wise decision, Cas had realised, just in case Dean did get mad and lash out, at least here there'd be witnesses, "I already ordered, I hope you don't mind."

"No, that's fine," Dean continued to smile as he sat down opposite Cas, "You always order the best things anyway."

"Gabe and Sam don't know I'm here, Dean." Cas said, as the waitress handed them two cappuccino's, and informed them that their food would be arriving shortly, "But I needed to see you."

"I miss you Cas." Dean whispered, extending his hand out across the table to reach Castiel's.

"I miss you too Dean," Cas said, moving his hand off the table and onto his lap, away from Dean's, "But I cannot go back to living how we were before."

"I got help," Dean sighed, "I'm going to classes - these anger management classes. They're total bullshit, but they're actually helping me control myself. And my doctor put me on some meds to help. But I need you with me. I miss you so much."

"One slice of apple pie with ice cream," The waitress said with a big fake smile on her face, Cas motioned over to Dean, "And one slice of lemon cheesecake with whipped cream." She said, as she gave both men their plates. "Just shout if you need anything else."

"This looks delicious." Dean grinned, picking up his fork, "So does yours."

"I know you like the pies from here," Cas mirrored Dean, picking up his own fork and taking a pie of the cheesecake, "Do you want to try some?"

"No, no it's yours, you eat it."

"I do miss you Dean." Cas sighed, placing his fork down onto the table, and looking up at Dean, "Despite everything, you did love me, and I know you didn't ever mean to hurt me."

"I didn't, I just don't think when I'm angry, and I lash out."

"But that doesn't change what you did, Dean."

"I've changed, I promise you. I don't want to hurt you Cas, but I need you in my life." Dean pleaded, "Please come back to me?"

**_~s~_**

Dean's promise lasted a month. And this time, when Castiel told him they were over, he meant it.


End file.
